Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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