hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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