He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
