I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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