so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
