So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
