He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
