Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
