You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
