It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
