I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
