TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
