just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
