What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dicks are not precious.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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