What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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