the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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