When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
