I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
