I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
