I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
