so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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