I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
