she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
