Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
