first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
this is an emotional support booty call
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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