I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
