But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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