Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
