I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
