You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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