Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
soo... how was my night?
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