mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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