I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
