He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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