So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
