i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
