She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
