I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
