I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
