The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
