Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
