if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
