Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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