i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
