is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
