i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
