Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
