i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
