No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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