You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
