I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Randomize
