Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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