No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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