you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
