So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Vodka?
Forever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
